I said, "Why did you cut off your ear Vince?" And he said,"What?"

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Maggie tells me I'm a bit deaf. She says I have the telly and the radio on too loud and that I don't understand her.

Me, I didn't think there was a problem. Maybe I have problems understanding Spanish and I hope a bit of extra volume will help. In fact I like to use headphones or earphones when I can.

So today I went for a hearing test. I was a bit annoyed that they kept me waiting as the parking meter ticked away and when the woman beckoned me into her office with a "Come on" I wondered if we were going to have a conversation in broken English. But no, she let me speak in Spanish. Broken Spanish instead.

The test was simply a range of beeps in each ear at different frequencies. "Perfect" she said. "For my age?" I asked. '"No, more or less perfect, a bit of loss of low frequency in the left ear but absolutely fine."

It was a good answer. Hearing loss may have given me a good excuse for my problems with Spanish but on balance it was the best answer. And no attempt to sell me an unnecessary hearing aid which I had half anticipated.

And what did Maggie say? "Good news.... but I don't believe it."  The trouble is she's right, whatever the audiologist might say I can't hear sometimes.

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